Former Australian Test captain Michael Clarke has revealed his anguish over his great mate Phillip Hughes's death almost 10 years ago after the star's family asked him to be in the hospital room when his life support was switched off.
Hughes was just 25 years old when he was struck in the neck by a bouncer while playing for NSW in a Sheffield Shield match against South Australia on November 25, 2014.
He was operated on and placed in a coma but died in Sydney's St Vincent's Hospital two days later, with his family and Clarke by his bedside, throwing the cricket world into mourning.
'It doesn't leave you. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do,' Clarke said of being there when Hughes's father Greg turned off the life support machine.
'Unfortunately, I've had too many people close to me pass.
'People say it gets easier. As you get older you might find ways to adjust, but I don't think it does get easier. It's still devastating.
'They just asked me to stay and I just tried to be the middle person between listening to what the doctors were saying, but then explaining it to them in a way, because they were so emotional.
'They didn't want me to leave, so I wouldn't. I wouldn't dare.'
Clarke (left) and Hughes (right) were exceptionally close before the batter's death left the cricket world devastated in November 2014
Clarke (pictured shortly after his mate's death) was asked to stay with Hughes's family when Phillip's life support was turned off at Sydney's St Vincent's hospital
Former Australian team doctor bokep Peter Brukner - who also spent a lot of time at the hospital in a vigil for Hughes - paid tribute to how Clarke conducted himself.
'He was incredibly supportive to both parents, Phillip's brother and sister,' Brukner told News Corp.
'He was with them for all the decisions that were being told to them with the doctors and questioning.
'They felt comfortable with him and immediately he was just part of the family for that time.
'It was tough for him. He'd lost his little brother [Hughes]. Obviously he had a very special relationship with Phil.'
Clarke expanded on those horrible days in the hospital in his autobiography My Story.
Almost 10 years on from Hughes's death, Clarke says dealing with the tragedy has not become any easier for him
'As I'm being taken to the room where they are waiting, Hughesy is being wheeled past on a trolley,' Clarke wrote.
'He looks normal. There's still a sheen of sweat on his face, and his hand, when I hold it, is still hot.'
After initially focusing on how soon Hughes would get back to the field and when he would once again wear Australia's famous baggy green cap, reality began to hit Clarke, who said his mate had become unrecognisable to him.
'I guess I probably tried to tell myself that there's a chance he'd be okay,' he revealed to 60 Minutes in 2016, before adding: 'But I think I knew there wasn't.'
Clarke was one of the pallbearers at Hughes's funeral, where he delivered a heartfelt speech.
'I don't know about you but I keep looking for him. I know it's crazy, but I expect any minute to take a call from him or to see his face pop around the corner to call me into the next room for a story and a laugh,' he said.
'Rest in peace, my little brother. I'll see you out in the middle.'
SydneyMichael Clarke
Hughes was just 25 years old when he was struck in the neck by a bouncer while playing for NSW in a Sheffield Shield match against South Australia on November 25, 2014.
He was operated on and placed in a coma but died in Sydney's St Vincent's Hospital two days later, with his family and Clarke by his bedside, throwing the cricket world into mourning.
'It doesn't leave you. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do,' Clarke said of being there when Hughes's father Greg turned off the life support machine.
'Unfortunately, I've had too many people close to me pass.
'People say it gets easier. As you get older you might find ways to adjust, but I don't think it does get easier. It's still devastating.
'They just asked me to stay and I just tried to be the middle person between listening to what the doctors were saying, but then explaining it to them in a way, because they were so emotional.
'They didn't want me to leave, so I wouldn't. I wouldn't dare.'
Clarke (left) and Hughes (right) were exceptionally close before the batter's death left the cricket world devastated in November 2014
Clarke (pictured shortly after his mate's death) was asked to stay with Hughes's family when Phillip's life support was turned off at Sydney's St Vincent's hospital
Former Australian team doctor bokep Peter Brukner - who also spent a lot of time at the hospital in a vigil for Hughes - paid tribute to how Clarke conducted himself.
'He was incredibly supportive to both parents, Phillip's brother and sister,' Brukner told News Corp.
'He was with them for all the decisions that were being told to them with the doctors and questioning.
'They felt comfortable with him and immediately he was just part of the family for that time.
'It was tough for him. He'd lost his little brother [Hughes]. Obviously he had a very special relationship with Phil.'
Clarke expanded on those horrible days in the hospital in his autobiography My Story.
Almost 10 years on from Hughes's death, Clarke says dealing with the tragedy has not become any easier for him
'As I'm being taken to the room where they are waiting, Hughesy is being wheeled past on a trolley,' Clarke wrote.
'He looks normal. There's still a sheen of sweat on his face, and his hand, when I hold it, is still hot.'
After initially focusing on how soon Hughes would get back to the field and when he would once again wear Australia's famous baggy green cap, reality began to hit Clarke, who said his mate had become unrecognisable to him.
'I guess I probably tried to tell myself that there's a chance he'd be okay,' he revealed to 60 Minutes in 2016, before adding: 'But I think I knew there wasn't.'
Clarke was one of the pallbearers at Hughes's funeral, where he delivered a heartfelt speech.
'I don't know about you but I keep looking for him. I know it's crazy, but I expect any minute to take a call from him or to see his face pop around the corner to call me into the next room for a story and a laugh,' he said.
'Rest in peace, my little brother. I'll see you out in the middle.'
SydneyMichael Clarke
